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August 22, 2005
Code 914
Todd Barry makes a lot of demands when he orders Thai food, but he's courteous enough to make them in Thai code. Check out this receipt for Todd's recent order of Pad Thai. First,he doesn't want bean sprouts. The code for "NO bean sprouts" is 914. He wants it "very spicy" code 904. Todd is even picky about his "Exotic Green Salad." Code 914 again: NO bean sprouts. Todd hopes you'll use these codes when you order Thai food.
Posted by David at 04:11 AM
The way to go...
Yes, that was Todd Barry you saw riding New Jersey transit to Princeton.
Posted by David at 04:10 AM
Small Charges
If you're like Todd, you love using credit cards to charge really small amounts. Check out these three receipts. One for "Great American Bagel" for $1.82; another for the post office for $2.98, and a third from the Charlotte Airport for a bottle of water and a USA Today for $2.65. The total for all THREE charges: $7.45. Some places have a minimum charge of $15.00. Todd Barry is awesome!
Posted by David at 04:10 AM
Handyman Todd
Todd had to do some spackling recently. Did he buy some newfangled spackling gadget? No. He merely bought some old-fashioned spackling putty and a spackling knife. What did he need to spackle? Wouldn't you like to know?
Posted by David at 04:09 AM
Le way to go...
Yes, that was Todd Barry you saw riding the Metro in Paris.
Posted by David at 04:08 AM
It's not about me. It's about Mona.
Todd checked his ego at the door when he vistited the Louvre. He knew that most of the people were there to see the Mona Lisa. "I understand," said Todd, "This is really her turf."
Posted by David at 04:07 AM
Is Todd Barry cheap?!
Todd recently enjoyed a little post show dinner at a place called Coffee Shop. Let's check out the tip. TWO DOLLARS on a $53.01 CHECK? Let's do the math:
2 รท 53.01 = A 3.772873043% TIP?!! HUH? THAT'S AWFUL!!! WHAT GIVES? Oh wait, look at the fine print on the bottom of the receipt : "AFTER MIDNIGHT 17.5% GRATUITY INCLUDED IN THE ABOVE TOTAL." Holy crap! Since the receipt clearly shows that Todd dined at 12:36 A.M., that means he slapped an extra two bucks on an already substantial 17.5% TIP! He tipped on top of the tip! THIS GUY IS AWESOME!
Posted by David at 04:05 AM
Just like you. . . (pt . 1)
Todd is in show business, but he's still a human being. To hammer that point home, check out this receipt from Duane Reade drug store. It looks like Todd purchased Raid Roach traps (to kill roaches) and three rolls of Soft Weve toilet paper (for house guests).
Posted by David at 04:03 AM
Just like you. . . (pt . 2)
In case you weren't convinced by part 1, here's a Rite-Aid receipt. Todd purchased Brawny Paper Towel (for spills), Pert Plus Dandruff Shampoo (for Dandruff), and Rogaine (to help him grow hair to get dandruff with).
Posted by David at 04:03 AM | Comments (0)
I Was in Idaho but I Left a Texas Sized Tip
Todd recently performed in Boise, Idaho. After the show, he wound down with a few drinks at a groovy bar called Neurolux. Well, the waitress must have felt groovy after Todd left a 3 dollar tip on a 7.50 check.
Let's crunch the numbers : 3 divided by 7.5 = .4 or, in laymen's terms: A 40% TIP! Holy Tater Tots, that's generous!
Posted by David at 03:58 AM
Give me Le Pepsi
Todd recently took his first trip to Paris. On the way back, he bought a Pepsi Max (French Diet Pepsi) at the Charles De Gaulle airport. Just sit back and imagine Todd Barry, sitting alone at the Charles DeGaulle airport, sipping a Diet Pepsi. It doesn't get much cuter than that.
Posted by David at 03:57 AM
August 17, 2005
That guy who manages the vegetarian restaurant got a pretty severe haircut.
-- Todd Barry, on the vegetarian restaurant manager's new haircut.
I don't know how I guessed that your last five boyfriends were musicians.
-- Todd Barry, on not knowing how he guessed that her last five boyfriends were musicians.
I thought I left my wallet at that Pan-Asian restaurant, but I didn't.
-- Todd Barry, on where he thought he left his wallet
I didn't know Sheryl Crow had a son.
-- Todd Barry, on finding out that Sheryl Crow had a son.
They did a nice job renovating that Thai place.
-- Todd Barry, on the job they did renovating that Thai place.
My dandruff shampoo is made in Israel.
-- Todd Barry, on the country where his dandruff shampoo is made.
My gastroenterologist is pretty easy to talk to.
-- Todd Barry, on how easy it is to talk to his gastroenterologist
It's probably best to buy name brand razor blades.
-- Todd Barry, on buying razor blades
My gut tells me that Katie Couric wears nice perfume.
-- Todd Barry, on his gut instinct about the quality of Katie Couric's perfume.
The grocery store near my house closes at 8:25.
-- Todd Barry, on the hours of the grocery store near his house
That lint trap really needed cleaning.
-- Todd Barry, on a lint trap he recently cleaned.
I'm glad there's a guy in front of my building playing the trumpet.
-- Todd Barry, on how he feels about a guy standing in front of his building playing the trumpet
I left a shirt in my hotel room in San Diego, but they were really nice about sending it back.
-- Todd Barry, on leaving his shirt in a hotel room then getting it back.
I was thinking about buying a new paper shredder.
-- Todd Barry, on the possibility of buying a new paper shredder
I don't know if smoothies are good for you.
-- Todd Barry, on the nutritional value of smoothies
I haven't seen Kenneth Branagh in a movie lately.
-- Todd Barry, on not seeing Kenneth Branagh in a movie lately
The air freshener they use in the Oakland airport mens room smells really good.
-- Todd Barry, on the air freshener at the Oakland Airport mens room
"I have a podiatrist appointment at 2."
-- Todd Barry, on the time of his podiatrist appointment
"I like Cilantro, but you don't have to."
-- Todd Barry, on his tolerant view of cilantro
"Im not sure why I bought a rice cooker."
-- Todd Barry, on his purchase of a rice cooker
"Norah Jones is really pretty."
-- Todd Barry, on singer Norah Jones
"That place used to have a really good Caesar salad. Then they changed the dressing."
-- Todd Barry, on the Caesar salad at a neighborhood restaurant
"This fax machine is kind of shitty."
-- Todd Barry, on his new fax machine
Posted by Todd at 06:47 AM | Comments (0)
August 11, 2005
Dutch Hamburger Fiasco
In America, there's no such thing as a free lunch. In Amsterdam, there's no such thing as free ketchup, either. These receipts are from the McDonald's at the Amsterdam Airport.
Posted by David at 01:25 AM
Out of Site Chili Order
Planning on inviting Todd over for chili? Well, this Cincinnati receipt shows how Todd likes it: "way on!"
Posted by David at 01:24 AM
Todd B. Meets Todd T.
Look who served Todd B. at this Chicago Mongolian Barbecue. A man named Todd T. If Todd T knew he was serving Todd B, he would've jumped up and down like a silly giraffe.
Posted by David at 01:23 AM
Unobtrusive Todd
What's so special about this receipt? Look at what it says next to "Check ID." It says "Tiny Table." Todd has a big heart (among other things, LADIES!!!!!!) but the rest of him doesn't take up that much room.
Posted by David at 01:22 AM
On the Chinese Food Run
Here's a receipt from a rare home-delivery order for Chinese food. Look what it says by "Pay By." Right next to it, it says "pending." Don't worry people, Todd has since paid off his order of string beans.
Posted by David at 01:21 AM
Rogaine and Jellybeans
No, that's not the title of a revealing biography of a former sitcom star. It's the purchase Todd made at a recent trip to a New York Rite-Aid.
Posted by David at 01:20 AM
The Art of Salad
Imagine walking by a salad restaurant at 4:50 PM and seeing Todd Barry...eating alone. You would scream like a little teenaged hamster! You'd also wonder what was on his "salad palette."Well check out this simple assortment of vegetables (not "veggies").
Posted by David at 01:19 AM
Pickle Confusion
Todd must have driven someone batty with his request for regular pickles, yet, no pickles, at an airport Burger King.
Posted by David at 01:18 AM
Flavor Assault
Todd's taste buds must've hit the roof when he sampled some of those goods he bought at this curiously named Austin supermarket. Look at all those flavors: lemon, raspberry, hot n' spicy, and the a hodgepodge of mixed fruit!
Posted by David at 01:17 AM
Alaska Impulse Buy
Todd popped into this Alaska store intending to buy only toothpaste and shampoo. But then he figured he should buy something indigenous to the culture, so he dropped an extra $6.50 for the entire arctic circle! That's Alaskawesome!
Posted by David at 01:16 AM
I Don't Need a Boost
When Todd ordered a Jamba Juice at the San Francisco airport, he declined an additional "boost." Todd has plenty of energy already. Giving him an extra "boost" is like putting out fire with gasoline.
Posted by David at 01:15 AM
Cupcake Date
Imagine seeing Todd sitting in a downtown diner with a young woman. What are they eating? Just two cupcakes, a cup of herbal tea, and a glass of milk! Don't you wish you were the woman who ate cupcakes with Todd? You would be the happiest woman on God's green earth.
Posted by David at 01:14 AM
August 10, 2005
Just For Laughs Festival, Montreal, 1994
Todd, Mark Thomas, and Bobcat Goldthwait were lucky enough to share a 4 x 5 dressing room with a guy named Mr. Methane.
Posted by David at 05:14 PM
Little Todd/Big Fish
Todd would be a bit uncomfortable about fishing now, but there was a time when he wasn't. Here's Todd with the African Pompano he caught in Florida.
Posted by David at 05:12 PM
T.O.D.D.R.E.M.
This early 80's photo of Todd with REM's Mike Mills and Peter Buck, portends Todd's later association with big time show business. It was taken after an REM concert in Boca Raton, FL. The flyer in Peter Buck's pants is for Todd's former band, The Chant. That's Chant guitarist "Filthy" Rich DeFinis on the left.
Posted by David at 05:10 PM
Parisian Sunset
Here's a picture of Todd, taken on his recent trip to Paris. Note the huge orange streak. This was not a mistake caused by Todd's shitty camera. It was an intentional choice made by Todd, a visionary photographic subject.
Posted by David at 05:09 PM
Traditional Todd
Todd knows when to shake things up, and when to enjoy the simple things. Like fresh cut flowers and a glass of fresh cut wine.
Posted by David at 05:08 PM
31 Flavors of Todd
What's cuter than Todd Barry eating ice cream? Nothing on God's green earth. Enjoy this photo.
Posted by David at 05:07 PM
Todd with Fan
No fancy caption necessary. Just a really sexy photo of Todd standing next to a fan.
Posted by David at 05:06 PM
Careful Where You Look, Jon Stewar
Todd Barry's "no eye contact before a show" rule is one of the most rigid in the business. He expects everyone to adhere to it, even people he's opening for. This photo was taken backstage at the Byham Theater in Pittsburgh, February, '98.
Posted by David at 05:04 PM
August 09, 2005
Chicago Hotel
Todd Barry stayed in this Chicago hotel. Go there now. Figure out which room he stayed in. Check in to that room. Feel the history.
Posted by David at 02:03 PM
Todd's Current Head Shot
The revolutionary cropping and slight smile make this the talk of the New York head shot community.
Posted by David at 01:59 PM
August 08, 2005
How Todd Makes the Bulk of his Money
You may have seen Todd perform in small comedy club. Well, consider yourself lucky, because Todd makes the lion's share of his money playing big arenas, like the Bryce Jordan Center at Penn State University.
Posted by David at 03:42 AM
Todd in Tux
Here's a picture of Todd, standing next to his pal Andy Kindler, backstage at the Friar's Club Roast of Chevy Chase. Look at Todd's mock expression of surprise. If you could bottle that look, you would.
Posted by David at 03:41 AM
Fly on the Wall in Todd's Apt.
You've probably said to yourself, "I'd love to be a fly on the wall in Todd's apartment, so I could hear him writing his amazing act, as well as the sounds of sweet lovemaking emanating from his bedroom." Well this picture shows what happened when Todd was inexplicably inundated with a wave of flies. The flies are gone now, but all the sounds remain.
Posted by David at 03:40 AM
Todd's on the Pipe
This just looks like an ordinary picture of the Alaska Pipeline. But it was taken by Todd, who was alone at the time. Can you imagine driving by the Alaska Pipeline and seeing a lone man standing next to his rental car, camera in hand? You look closer and it's comedian Todd Barry, alone in Alaska. You wouldn't know whether to cry or weep.
Posted by David at 03:38 AM
Todd's Angry
Photographer Will Becton caught Todd in the totally candid shot -- mid-anger! Someone must have really done Todd wrong before this was snapped!
Posted by David at 03:37 AM
Yo La Tengo had no Choice-o
Imagine you're in a band. You already have a drummer, but you see hot session drummer Todd Barry in the crowd. How do you handle this? You invite him up to play bongos! They're drums, too!
Posted by David at 03:35 AM
The Best Picture of Todd
This photograph, taken by Ali Farahnakian, is probably the hottest picture of Todd ever taken. It's hotter than any photo of Todd you may have seen in a men's fashion magazine, or hanging in a gallery in Berlin. That's Jackie Hoffman and Robert Smigel in the background.
Posted by David at 03:34 AM
Todd's Love of Literature
What's sadder than Todd Barry buying the book Mortgages For Dummies? How about Todd using a gift card to buy Mortgages For Dummies? Todd really knows how to treat himself right. And he'll treat you right, when you're sitting next to him, drinking mulled cider by the fireplace in his new northern New Hampshire country home -- financed with a sensible 30 year fixed rate mortgage.
Posted by David at 02:36 AM
How Are You Doing?
As far as product descriptions go, you're doing fine, Cosi Sandwich Shop! When Todd dropped in to Cosi for some "between shows" raspberry tea, he didn't expect to walk out of there with a receipt so museum-worthy. Look at how Todd's one cup of raspberry tea is described "Tea, Hot Tea GT, Tea, Raspberry Tea." Pretty thorough and coincidental, since Todd describes his comedy as "Comedy, Funny Comedy GT, Comedy, Raspberry Comedy."
Posted by David at 02:35 AM
Don't Skimp On The Subtotal
When Todd dropped in for lunch at a California branch of the California Pizza Kitchen, he went in with one simple desire: to get a half a Chinese Chicken Salad, without getting half a subtotal. Well, as you can see, Todd gets what he wants. It's all there, itemized for you. Read it and try to move on with your life.
Posted by David at 02:35 AM
Rounding Amount?
More like a celebrity surcharge. When Todd entered this Australian drugstore to buy some moist towellettes, he was immediately recognized by the store manager, who sent a code to the cashier, authorizing a 2 cent "rounding amount" added to the bill. They knew Todd has money and would not make a fuss over this "rounding amount" because that would inevitably lead to an embarassing mention in a Australian gossip column.
Posted by David at 02:34 AM
A Wonderful Benefit of Eating with Todd
You could easily name two benefits of eating with Todd: great conversation and the joy of sitting across from someone who's easy on the eyes. But there's a third benefit: itemized free refills. Yes, written proof that you wanted a second Diet Coke, and you got it. Free. Because you ate with Todd.
Posted by David at 02:33 AM
Todd's Favorite Food
Was that comedian Todd Barry sitting alone in a San Francisco Indonesian restaurant, slamming down a plate of Ayam Dada Masak Cabe? Well if you knew anything about Todd -- if you were a true fan -- you'd know that Ayam Dada Masak Cabe (with rice) is Todd's absolute favorite food. Just ask anyone who's been in charge of catering at one of Todd's amazing comedy concerts.
Posted by David at 02:32 AM
Not Like Todd's Treated in America
When Todd ordered some chicken tenders at this Melbourne, Australia chicken restaurant, he wanted Australian-style food, but he also wanted American-style respect. Imagine his dismay, when he looked at his receipt those two ugly words: "NO UPGRADE." This was not like every flight Todd has taken or every hotel Todd has checked into in the past fifteen years. There's nothing worse than sitting alone in a foreign restaurant, eating non-upgraded chicken tenders.
Posted by David at 02:31 AM
Giant Roasted Cashews - 'Fraid So
Contrary to what this receipt says: "Cashews Giant Roasted No," Todd distinctly remembers buying, then eating Giant roasted cashews while waiting for a flight to Lansing, Michigan at the Newark Airport. How could he not remember slipping those big, giant cashews through his pursed, duckling-like lips,
Posted by David at 02:29 AM
August 02, 2005
The Waitress Equivalent of Todd's Act
When Todd got the bill for his semi-healthy snack at this outdoor cafe in Sydney, Australia, he looked down and realized he was served by the "waitress equivalent" of his act.
Posted by David at 04:45 AM
Why Todd is So Fiery
The question is asked constantly: "what makes Todd so fiery, on and off stage?" You probably think the answer is obvious -- it's his hot Portugese blood. No, you're wrong. It's actually his diet. Check out what Todd ordered at the Au Bon Pain at the Pittsburgh Airport. HOT Tea and a JALAPENO Bagel -- a combination that can only lead to a person becoming more fiery, on and off stage.
Posted by David at 04:43 AM
One of Todd's Many Secrets
Don't ask why Todd went into this Australian sporting goods store to buy "strong black thongs." But you can ask what those dimensions are underneath "1 x 5.95." Uh-huh. Oh yeah.
Posted by David at 04:43 AM
Getting Ready for You...
Wow. Look at what's on this receipt: Mr. Clean, a sponge, and Ajax. Looks like Todd is getting ready for you. Are you getting ready for him? Todd's apartment will be immaculate when you come over.The five toilets will be scrubbed, and the hot tub will be as clean as Chinese arithmetic.
Posted by David at 04:42 AM
Another Great Lunch
Todd was skeptical when he saw "hippie plate" on the menu at this Austin restaurant. But he was pleasantly surprised when his order arrived, and it actually was a heaping plate of dead hippies. Mmmmm...that side of peanut dressing really brings out the flavor of the tie-dye.
Posted by David at 04:40 AM