Todd's Love of Literature

What's sadder than Todd Barry buying the book Mortgages For Dummies? How about Todd using a gift card to buy Mortgages For Dummies? Todd really knows how to treat himself right. And he'll treat you right, when you're sitting next to him, drinking mulled cider by the fireplace in his new northern New Hampshire country home -- financed with a sensible 30 year fixed rate mortgage.

How Are You Doing?

As far as product descriptions go, you're doing fine, Cosi Sandwich Shop! When Todd dropped in to Cosi for some "between shows" raspberry tea, he didn't expect to walk out of there with a receipt so museum-worthy. Look at how Todd's one cup of raspberry tea is described "Tea, Hot Tea GT, Tea, Raspberry Tea." Pretty thorough and coincidental, since Todd describes his comedy as "Comedy, Funny Comedy GT, Comedy, Raspberry Comedy."

Don't Skimp On The Subtotal

When Todd dropped in for lunch at a California branch of the California Pizza Kitchen, he went in with one simple desire: to get a half a Chinese Chicken Salad, without getting half a subtotal. Well, as you can see, Todd gets what he wants. It's all there, itemized for you. Read it and try to move on with your life.

Rounding Amount?

More like a celebrity surcharge. When Todd entered this Australian drugstore to buy some moist towellettes, he was immediately recognized by the store manager, who sent a code to the cashier, authorizing a 2 cent "rounding amount" added to the bill. They knew Todd has money and would not make a fuss over this "rounding amount" because that would inevitably lead to an embarassing mention in a Australian gossip column.

A Wonderful Benefit of Eating with Todd

You could easily name two benefits of eating with Todd: great conversation and the joy of sitting across from someone who's easy on the eyes. But there's a third benefit: itemized free refills. Yes, written proof that you wanted a second Diet Coke, and you got it. Free. Because you ate with Todd.

Todd's Favorite Food

Was that comedian Todd Barry sitting alone in a San Francisco Indonesian restaurant, slamming down a plate of Ayam Dada Masak Cabe? Well if you knew anything about Todd -- if you were a true fan -- you'd know that Ayam Dada Masak Cabe (with rice) is Todd's absolute favorite food. Just ask anyone who's been in charge of catering at one of Todd's amazing comedy concerts.

Not Like Todd's Treated in America

When Todd ordered some chicken tenders at this Melbourne, Australia chicken restaurant, he wanted Australian-style food, but he also wanted American-style respect. Imagine his dismay, when he looked at his receipt those two ugly words: "NO UPGRADE." This was not like every flight Todd has taken or every hotel Todd has checked into in the past fifteen years. There's nothing worse than sitting alone in a foreign restaurant, eating non-upgraded chicken tenders.

Giant Roasted Cashews - 'Fraid So

Contrary to what this receipt says: "Cashews Giant Roasted No," Todd distinctly remembers buying, then eating Giant roasted cashews while waiting for a flight to Lansing, Michigan
at the Newark Airport. How could he not remember slipping those big, giant cashews through his pursed, duckling-like lips,

The Waitress Equivalent of Todd's Act

When Todd got the bill for his semi-healthy snack at this outdoor cafe in Sydney, Australia, he looked down and realized he was served by the "waitress equivalent" of his act.

Why Todd is So Fiery

The question is asked constantly: "what makes Todd so fiery, on and off stage?" You probably think the answer is obvious -- it's his hot Portugese blood. No, you're wrong. It's actually his diet. Check out what Todd ordered at the Au Bon Pain at the Pittsburgh Airport. HOT Tea and a JALAPENO Bagel -- a combination that can only lead to a person becoming more fiery, on and off stage.

One of Todd's Many Secrets

Don't ask why Todd went into this Australian sporting goods store to buy "strong black thongs." But you can ask what those dimensions are underneath "1 x 5.95." Uh-huh. Oh yeah.

Getting Ready for You...

Wow. Look at what's on this receipt: Mr. Clean, a sponge, and Ajax. Looks like Todd is getting ready for you. Are you getting ready for him? Todd's apartment will be immaculate when you come over.The five toilets will be scrubbed, and the hot tub will be as clean as Chinese arithmetic.

Another Great Lunch

Todd was skeptical when he saw "hippie plate" on the menu at this Austin restaurant. But he was pleasantly surprised when his order arrived, and it actually was a heaping plate of dead hippies. Mmmmm...that side of peanut dressing really brings out the flavor of the tie-dye.